Parody of “Innocence Lost”, words and music by
Julia Ecklar
For
more information
and other parodies, see
www.songworm.com
Reprinted from
Songworm 2
Parody lyrics ©7/28/88 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
Safety pins lost from the drawer where you store them.
You’re sure there were plenty last week.
You can buy all you like, but they keep disappearing.
You can’t find the source of the leak.
They’ve nowhere to go, and no way they could get there,
And yet there’s a few on the rug.
If you don’t pick them up, they will somehow move elsewhere,
As if they were some kind of bug.
A bug... that can crawl into closets.
At night, in the dark, no one knows.
They change... into extra coat hangers.
There are always too many of those.
Yet the hangers go fast — faster still when you need them.
But then the next day there are more.
And it can’t be explained, for you know it’s been ages
Since you bought even one at the store.
When you’ve hung all your clothes, you’ll find hangers left over,
Though you never buy more than you need.
So why aren’t they around at the times that you want them?
Confront them, and find that they breed.
They breed... in the depths of your closet.
Their mothballs are laid everywhere.
Cocoons ...that look just like old mittens.
There are safety pins hiding in there!
You can’t find the clothes that should go with the hangers.
You can’t find the mittens that match.
But perhaps they’re consumed, like your socks in the dryer —
Or the bulk of the pins in each batch.
You make think this a joke, or a paranoid’s ravings,
A humorous tale, or a lie.
It defies common sense, and the teachings of science.
You know bits of metal can’t die.
You know, but can’t find your supply.