Parody of “Dear Gina”, words and music by Seanan McGuire

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Parody lyrics ©2009-10-12 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.

Blake Hodgetts has a cute, cheerful little song that is so skillfully worded (even aside from the bouncy tune) that it never occurs to anyone what a gruesome tale it really is if you stop to think about it. I called this “T-Symmetry” because I like to think that if someone heard this one first it would work as a horror song, and then if they heard “A Habitrail Named Klein” they would think it was a funny twist on this song. In reality, it’s the other way around, but if you could play time and causality backward, would it still look plausible? Also, “Habitrail” mentions T joints, one of which must have been the fatal last connection that caused such a mess.

It's been a long time, Walter, since you lived here.
The damage to the house has been repaired.
They’re saying Daddy smothered; that’s for certain.
What happened to you caught him unprepared.

You were once my one and only friend,
I often wished I had some more.
The way it worked out in the end,
Be careful what you’re wishing for.

I went to Mother’s funeral on Sunday.
They did her makeup cunningly, it's true.
The last hour of her life was not so pretty.
I know it wasn’t rats, and so do you.

There were two of you, just having fun,
Exploring all the twists and turns.
But what we made can’t be undone,
We can’t unmake the maze you learned.

Chorus: Walter, I don’t think that I can feed you anymore.
And Walter, I feel bad to hear you scratching at the door.
Walter, you were five, then turning left, turned into more.
And Walter, no bag’s big enough to feed you.

It's been a long time, Walter, since I told you
I’d never let you come to any harm.
I still remember how I used to hold you,
Your whiskers softly tickling my arm.

There were hundreds piling up of you.
I know you didn’t understand.
But how could we have had a clue?
What happened to you wasn’t planned.

They almost didn’t find my baby brother,
’Til workers cleared the wreckage of the floor.
They blamed it on an earthquake, or my mother,
And no one will believe me anymore.

There were thousands of you writhing there.
I think you knew just what we’d done.
No room was left for breathing air.
I wish my parents tried to run.

Chorus: Walter, I don’t think that I can feed you anymore.
And Walter, I feel scared to hear you scratching at the door.
Walter, you were ten, then turning left, turned into more.
And Walter, no floor’s strong enough to hold you.

Walter, my grandparents make me live here.
Walter, I had hoped you’d stay outside.
Walter, I hear noises, and at night I press my ear
Against the freshly painted wall and hear the scrabbling sounds inside.
And I think that one or more of you found somewhere new to hide.
Walter, little Walter, it’s just like you never died.

It's been a long time, Walter, since you died here,
Repeatedly and messily, it’s true.
I hope you understand that we were sorry.
I know that humans caused this mess, not you.

There were millions of you months ago
Defenseless in the world outside.
Too many found a predator
Before they found a place to hide.

Chorus: Walter, I don’t think that I can feed you anymore.
And Walter, I hear thousands of you scratching at the door.
Walter, you came home, where there was always food before.
And Walter, no door’s strong enough to stop you.

I guess
there’s strength in numbers, but
no safety.