Parody of “Second Hand Rose”, words and music by
Grant Clarke
and
James F. Hanley
For
more information
and other parodies, see
www.songworm.com
Parody lyrics ©2023-05-10 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
Mashup of “Second-Hand Heaven” (filk song by Lawrence Dean) and “Second Hand Rose” (by Grant Clarke and James F. Hanley, recorded in 1921 by Fanny Brice and shorter version by 1965 by Barbra Streisand).
If you’re reading this and wondering why I spelled it as one word in the lyrics and hyphenated it in the title, it’s because I’m mashing up a century-old American son, “Second Hand Rose”, with a contemporary British one, “Second-Hand Heaven”, both of which write it out as two words (and I always hyphenate two-word adjectives). But in the lyrics, I wrote it as it’s now written in the U.S. The New Oxford American Dictionary shows “secondhand” and the Oxford Dictionary of (British) English shows “second-hand”. (If you’re performing this, thank you, and you didn’t read this paragraph aloud, did you? Why would you do that?)
I love browsing bookstores,
Strictly secondhand.
Everything from whalers
To a world of sand.
All the stuff I’m reading
Comes from such a store.
Every new adventure,
Someone had before.
Tales of wonder make me feel enthused,
But only from the books I purchase used.
I just meet secondhand clones,
Secondhand gnomes.
That’s cause they come from secondhand tomes.
Even that small bottle labeled “Drink Me”
Had to be refilled so it could shrink me.
Secondhand ships
Take me on secondhand trips.
I never buy a single book that’s new.
Each time I discover a new world to explore
It turns out ancient astronauts have landed before.
I’m like all of those
Who favor secondhand prose:
The second last to know.
I fight off secondhand hordes
With secondhand swords
At the command of secondhand lords
Even magic armor, when I don it,
Has several years of dust and grime upon it.
Secondhand shelves are crammed with
Secondhand elves.
Don’t know the end when other readers do
Even that one ring that I destroyed in Mordor
I later learned that someone else destroyed it before
I’m like all of those
Who favor secondhand prose:
The second last to know.
The second last who knew. (New?)