Parody of “Wicked Girls Savings Ourselves”, words and music by
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Parody lyrics ©10/29/2010 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
Parody of “Wicked Girls Savings Ourselves”, words and music by Seanan McGuire
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Franny found fault with the cabin her friends had all rented.
She went for a walk in the woods ’til her anger was vented.
She went out alone, and she never looked back,
Though her six-inch high heels made her easy to track.
And she called out “Is anyone there?” when she heard a strange sound.
And her friends found her head on a pike, and her limbs in the ground.
Tina just wanted some time to herself for an hour.
The long dusty drive to the woods left her craving a shower.
She stepped in the stall, through the spray and the steam,
And she’d barely got wet, and she’d barely got clean,
But she’d clearly got bare, which is all that it takes by the rules
That baths invite butchers, and showers are only for fools.
Vampire, zombie, or man who’s insane?
Alien, robot, or doll with a brain?
I’ll be right back, then I’ll gladly explain
The secret to saving ourselves.
Tiffany said, when last heard from alive,
“We have to split up if we want to survive.
I’ll hide in the pantry that’s next to the knives.”
That’s how she wound up on the shelves.
Frank grabbed a flashlight to shine at the rafters, revealing
It wasn’t a leak in the plumbing that dripped from the ceiling.
Jim and Jill, making out in the very next room,
Could not quite make out what approached through the gloom.
As they held shut a door they were sure they had locked pretty good,
They began to feel safe, but were stabbed in the back through the wood.
John had his letterman jacket on, wearing it proudly.
His girlfriend was scared and put out by a gate swinging loudly.
So, armed with a flashlight, he searched through the grounds
To locate the source of those unexplained sounds.
They found him strung up by the woodshed and expertly skinned.
So I find I agree that it probably wasn’t the wind.
Now Dave avoids doctors, and Trisha wears track shoes for chases.
And Jan just takes sponge baths in very well-lit public places.
Charlie fears children encountered alone,
While Barry builds barricades all through his home.
And the rules that we live by are simple and clear:
Be humble and ugly and live life in fear!
So we will be cautious and we will be safe:
We’ll never have sex and we never will bathe.
Be careful, you black guys, cheerleaders, and jocks:
Do not volunteer in your bathrobe and socks!
You may have a flashlight, you may have a bat,
But maniacs may be armed better than that.
We won't take our place on the shelves.
It’s better to live, so it’s better to give
Some forethought to saving ourselves.
We’re planning on saving ourselves.