Peregrin

Parody of “Legolas”, words and music by Mary Crowell

For more information and other parodies, see www.songworm.com
Parody lyrics ©2/2/2011 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.

Written during the Dead Dog filk at Conflikt 4, where Mary Crowell was GoH. Ben Newman, the Interfilk guest, followed Mary’s performance of her original with his parody about Galadriel. I had my new laptop and my headphones, and found the original lyrics and YouTube video, so I went into the hall and spent the next couple of hours immersed in that performance from the recent past and blocking out the present so I could get the song written. I didn’t expect to finish it before Mary called it a night, and I didn’t, but I did give her a peek at any early draft, and I did finish a complete draft in time to sing it at what you might call the Tail End of the Dead Dog — the remaining handful of filkers, after a long break for shmoozing, moved the chairs into a smaller circle at back of the room. That’s about as close as I’ve gotten to an insta-filk, sort of like Tom Smith in slow motion (and with different tastes in characters).

I’d like to meet him, though he isn’t real.
Built so convenient with no need to kneel.
Problem is, I can’t reach his.
Still, I can’t help but look at that hunk of a Took,
O Peregrin!

He looked so tasty slung across a back,
To unwrap later for an orcish snack.
What a waste!  Give me a taste.
I just love hairy feet, and I want to meet
That Peregrin!

I’d really love to find him.
And in the darkness bind him.
Now I just cannot hide it.
There’s just one guy I’d aim
To bring to whence he came
That’s Peregrin.

I’m just a sucker for those pipsqueak guys
Who try the harder ’cause they’re just pint-size.
Big as Puck, with any luck.
Got a thing for the short big-footed sort.
Like Peregrin!

There’s fanfic writers who search high and low
For certain things the movie did not show.
Who’d have guessed he’d like incest?
They do make a cute pair with their curly brown hair.
O Peregrin!

This girl I know likes archers.
And scorns those manly marchers.
Now she can have a Legolas.
’Cause a slim pretty elf’s sure not for myself
Like Peregrin!

I’d like to meet him, though he isn’t real.
Built so convenient with no need to kneel.
Problem is, I can’t reach his.
Still, I can’t help but look at that hunk of a Took,
O Peregrin!