Parody of “Boundless?”, words and music by
Blake Hodgetts
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Parody lyrics ©6/1/06 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
My rental’s foundations were shaken by quakes
Of a trivial kind,
The long-sought excuse to inspect it; I feared what I'd find.
The renters all pool the income they earn,
Each writing the check in his turn.
The fact that they’re college kids, I didn't learn
’Til after the lease had been signed.
| Chorus: |
Here me all, here me all: There are 99 bottles of beer on the wall. Here me all, here me all: There are 99 bottles of beer on the wall. |
I am the landlord of frat boys, it seems:
The place is a zoo.
I have seen damage too costly to ever undo.
Once I’ve confirmed the worst of my fears,
The most flagrant outrage appears:
A shelf bearing bottles, all labeled as beers
Holds 172.
(Chorus)
Uncounted times I have had to explain:
Take care of the place.
Here’s where you park, and the driveway is no place to race.
There is no doubt of what I must do:
I’ll call my attorney and sue.
There’s no need to wait for the lease to renew.
Eviction’s a rock-solid case.
(Chorus)
One thing redeeming these renters, I’m forced to concede,
Aside from the fact that their rent has been paid as agreed:
Though I have ordered them off of my land,
They meekly say they understand.
They have me sit down and they place in my hand
A glass that’s beginning to bead.
(Chorus)
To the pride that they take in those beers I can start to relate.
Some are domestic, some imports, but all of them great.
The taste was superb, I had to agree,
Having sampled a few just to see.
I found that we’d downed about 73,
And somehow I’d stayed very late.
(Chorus)
Pinpoints of light now appear
In a sky turning gray.
Ninety-nine bottles: the start for the night underway.
Soon I lose count of each one taken down
And drained as we pass it around.
I’ve also lost count of the new friends I’ve found.
But some things are hazy that way.
(Chorus)
How many left? That’s a tally
I could not have made.
Counting, subtraction, were skills that were starting to fade.
Why I came here, I no longer know,
So many hours ago.
I’m not sure how far our drunk countdown will go...
But some tenants must be obeyed.
Final chorus is exactly three times as long, not 50 times as long:
| Chorus: |
Hear me all, hear me all: There are 96 bottles of beer on the wall. Hear me all, hear me all: There are 95 bottles of beer on the wall. Hear me all, hear me all: There are 94 bottles of beer on the wall. Hear me all, hear me all: There are 93 bottles of beer on the wall. Hear me all, hear me all: There are 92 bottles of beer on the wall. Hear me all, hear me all: There are 91 bottles of beer on the wall. |
Note that you have to stop there, if the audience even lets you get that far, because “90” doesn’t scan.