Parody of “El Paso”, words and music by
Marty Robbins
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Parody lyrics ©2009-04-05 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
This came to me while half-asleep at Consonance the day after hearing Kristoph Klover sing “El Paso.”
I am the reader of SF and fantasy,
Sit down beside me, and let’s have a look
At how far I’ve travelled and how much I’ve chanced to see,
Wearing my headphones while reading a book.
For I've learned one truth, and there is no doubt,
I just can't stop reading ’til dawn...
A lot to be asking when I’m multi-tasking,
And I fell asleep with my headphones still on.
And I dreamed that
Out in the West Texas town of El Paso,
I fell in love with a Mexican girl.
Three flaming eyes and with waving blue tentacles,
Soft silky fur with the luster of pearl.
One night a grief-stricken pilot came in,
Clutching a precious vaccine...
Tragic and tearful, he gave me an earful,
About a poor cowboy who’d been just eighteen
He was murdered
For sharing a drink and a bowl of farina
With the girl I staked out at the start of this song,
In a light saber duel inside Rosa’s Cantina,
With a hot-headed drunk with no knowledge of wrong.
’Til the horror arrived — too late for the kid —
I knew my one chance was to run...
Why I did I trust her? Those globular clusters
Approach any man in the bar not just one.
But naïvely,
I thought you’d have heard of that young biochemist.
It seemed there was no puzzle he couldn't solve
Except for that maiden in Rosa’s Cantina
Whose love he’d invented and thought might evolve
And she lived with him inside of a pen
Out where the horses were tied...
Nothing revealing whose horse I was stealing,
I must find a place I can vanish from sight.
So I knew that
I must reach the border or else I’d be history,
Hoping his friends fail to follow me there.
Why I’ll return to El Paso’s a mystery,
All for a girl and her silky blue hair.
But I had no care; I knew I might die;
Back to West Texas I’d go...
Back from New Mexico, hoping that sex’ll go
Over much better since I killed her beau.
Stands to reason.
Pity Blake Hodgetts has met Marty Robbins.
Caused an egregious linguistic snafu.
Thanks to a filker whose self-assigned job is
To shuffle the lyrics and make something new.
And I see little hope for saving this song
Once Klover has covered the Dead...
Love may be strong, but a habit is stronger.
I never spoke half of what went through my head.
So be grateful.
Back in the West Texas town of El Paso,
I purchased dragons at sidewalk bazars.
Waxed omnilingual in Rosa’s Cantina.
Texted with beings who lived upon stars.
I saw the smoke, but did not hear a shot.
I thought that I might be all right...
My error was plain for my heart was in pain.
That’s because sound travels slower than light.
But where was I?
From out of nowhere, the maiden has found me,
Forgetting I slaughtered that handsome young guy.
No blood in my mouth, for my lung wasn’t punctured,
Allowing the maiden to kiss me goodbye.