If Ever I Would Love You

Parody of “If Ever I Would Leave You”, words by Alan Jay Lerner , music by Frederick Loewe

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Parody lyrics ©12/14/93 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.

If ever I would love you, it wouldn t be in summer,
Knowing how in summer, mosquitoes will swarm.
I can t feel romantic when nipped in the bud.
The bugs breed in summer, and they re out for blood.

But if I ever loved you, it couldn t be in autumn.
You know damn well in autumn, we won t have the time!
The holiday shopping!  The leaves to be raked!
The Thanksgiving dishes that you never baked.

Nor could I love you while you re suffering from a cough,
Or on a virgin snowdrift, where I might freeze something off!

If ever I would love you, how could it be in springtime,
Knowing how in spring I m allergic to hay!
No way, not in springtime, summer, winter, or fall!
No, never will I love you at all.