Parody of “Second-Hand Heaven”, words and music by
Lawrence Dean
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Parody lyrics ©2020-12-02 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
| Chorus: |
Cribbing new songs from a charmed leather journal, Dark magic granting my fondest request. (I’ll) spend one more hour exploiting its powers. Second hand’s ticking til the price is assessed. |
I could go after a childhood rival.
Acquire a title that I haven’t earned.
Perform daring feats, guaranteed my survival,
Excel at an instrument I never learned.
(Chorus)
(I) could be a doctor whose patients recover,
A writer whose novels unnerve or amuse.
Praise as a leader, appeal as a lover.
Engagement to anyone I care to choose.
(Chorus)
Selfish or selfless though be my intentions,
Fortune or fame or a worthier goal,
Lyrics or paintings, ingenious inventions,
The end is the same: it lays claim to my soul.
(Chorus)
With any luck I can sidestep perdition,
If I just discard it, or gift it, or sell.
I knew the price, read the terms and conditions:
As long as it’s mine, I’ll be destined for Hell.
(Cheerful wordless la-la-la-la chorus)
Time it runs out and I still hold the journal.
I’ve published for decades but need one song more.
I search page by page through that tome so infernal
For one that surpasses the thousands before.
| Chorus: |
Cribbing new songs from a charmed leather journal, Dark magic granting my fondest request. (I’ll) spend one more hour exploiting its powers. Second hand’s ticking til the price is assessed. Seconds from Heaven should I merely divest. |