Parody of “Twa Magicians”, words and music
traditional
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Reprinted from
Songworm 2
Parody lyrics ©3/26/88 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
The lady sat in her dining room, as hungry as could be.
She popped a housefly in her mouth and ate it with her tea.
Now the lady’s read a magazine that’s made her catch her breath:
It says that eating houseflies often leads to early death.
| Chorus: |
Wait, lady, wait! Just look at what you ate! That housefly dish will be your death, So settle up your estate. |
So the lady’s sworn to undertake a diet firm and strict:
She’d live on only spiders ’til her problem had been licked.
But the feel of spiders crawling ’round has filled her heart with dread,
And they’ve filled her stomach just as full of cobwebs as her head.
(Chorus)
So she’s gobbled down a little bird to clean those spiders out,
But now it keeps her up all night with the songs it likes to spout.
So next she’s tried an alley cat; she ate it live and raw,
But knew she’s made a big mistake when it began to claw.
(Chorus)
She’s wolfed down a large puppy dog, a surplus from the vet.
It caused her great discomfort, since it wasn’t housebroke yet.
So next she ate a billy goat, a well-known omnivore.
Its hooves and horns and chewing left her insides feeling sore.
(Chorus)
Her doctor told her “Cut it out! Go back to beef for now.”
But the lady, she misunderstood and ate a guernsey cow.
But she can’t afford a cow each day; the prices are too high.
So she tried some nice fresh horse meat, but it made her up and die.
(Chorus)
And it wasn’t just the size of it that made her body fail,
But the filthy flock of flies that swarmed around the horse’s tail.
So the lady, she’s been laid to rest between her two granddads.
And a housefly was the death of her, for all of her diet fads.