Companion, Not To Be Confused With Anything Else

Parody of “Apprentice”, words and music by Michelle Dockrey and Tony Fabris

For more information and other parodies, see
Parody lyrics ©2009-03-25 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.

You can think of this song as a sort of sitcom situation, wherein a character of limited deductive capabilities jumps to a conclusion. But it also has a twist, where the identity of the protagonist, someone who is not an SF fan and is living with someone who is, is revealed at the end. The title refers, among other things, to the fact that Vixy & Tony’s album Thirteen has one song called “Companion” (that I’ve also parodied), but that’s not the one about the Companion in Firefly, which is called “Apprentice.”

My entire world and my life was she.
Skin like silk, with the salt of the sea.
All grace while bending to serve me my meals.
And wise, beyond the likes of me.

And her fragrance cut through the rich autumn air
On the porch of the house we forever would share
My bones would be buried here, such was my vow.
Until I found her secret there:

One night, while nosing through her garbage,
I found what sort of stuff she reads:

Chorus: “You don’t have to be human to make love.
Watch Captain Kirk and you will see.
See him boldly go with every alien above,
Further than they’ll show you on TV.”

It was not my place to see her as flawed.
Eager I was, and a bit overawed,
So gratefully giving unconditional love.
To me, she seemed much like a god.

She showed me all of her fantasy art.
Science fiction, with a physical part.
She was my existence; I was her best friend.
Yet this could tear us two apart. 

Sharing walks after she took out the garbage,
I’d always follow where she leads:

Chorus: “You don’t have to be human to make love.
Visit the Ring World and you’ll see.
Rishathra’s nearly the norm up there above.
Since there is no risk of progeny.”

I could sense where this was heading; it seemed she would prefer
Wookie, werewolf, unicorn — then, anything with fur!
She whispered all her secrets, like she thought I would concur.
This kind of talk can’t help but make me nervous!
And so I ran away from her.

My new owners say there’s no doggy so good.
They take me for walks afternoons in the wood.
They share scraps of food, let me ride in the pickup,
And think like normal people should.

They let me run through the house with my ball.
They let me mark turf on the neighbor’s back wall.
They watch only westerns and sports on TV.
And they don’t read ... anything at all.

One night I stole some of their garbage
And tried to wash away her creed:

Chorus: “You don’t have to be human to make love.
On Jackson’s Whole, the first time’s free.
They bred one woman who’s a tiger up above.”
You’d have run too, if you were me.