Parody of “Clear Away the Morning Dew”, words and music
traditional
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Parody lyrics ©3/5/94 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
My 1990’s update of a traditional song (based on the version adapted, I believe, by Kristoph Klover).
I stopped by at the market in a randy kind of mood,
And there I spied a pretty fair maid among the frozen food.
(Chorus)
| Chorus: |
It hailed all through the morning, Trapped us in the store. Clear away the Mountain Dew. How sweetly it will pour! |
She said “Young man, it’s hailing out. We may be here awhile.”
I said “Why don’t we lay us down in this deserted aisle.”
(Chorus)
“I see you’re in a hurry, sir, but wait a moment more.
Let’s get some virgin olive oil so I don’t get too sore.”
(Chorus)
I took her to the oil aisle to grab what she might choose.
She said “We’ll need some paper towels, I’m sure, before we’re through.”
(Chorus)
I took her for some paper towels, some breath mints, and a comb,
Deodorant and cucumbers and after-shave cologne.
(Chorus)
She said “Let’s hit the dairy case in Aisle Number Three.
I know some tricks with yogurt that you’ll really want to see...”
(Chorus)
She said “To do it properly, we’ll need a few things more.”
And thus we spent the morning buying half the bloody store.
(Chorus)
She said “We’ll need protection, so there’s one last thing to get:
A six-pack box of condoms— but don’t open them just yet!”
(Chorus)
She said “I see the storm has stopped. Before we go too far,
We’ll have a bit more privacy in the back seat of my car.”
(Chorus)
I loaded up her hatch-back, and she quickly drove away.
Along then came the manager, demanding that I pay.
(Chorus)