Parody of “Witch of the Westmorland”, words and music by
Archie Fisher
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Parody lyrics ©2013-09-19 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
Smart were the undergrads, who made the high-tech still.
Frat-boy geeks at MIT with too much time to kill.
Saying “Beck, Bud or Busch or Boch will never slake our thirst.
There’s none like the beer with the PhD, but we must invent it first.”
“So power up the cyclotron ’til the red shift shows in the beam.
With the barley and the quantum hops, things won’t be as they seem.”
And long left upon the moon, the mirror that reflects
The heat-exchanging laser beam they shone upon it next.
And they’ve soaked the malted barley mash, ’til the end-date of their grant.
Then the night before they started, found it ready to decant.
Said, “Let’s bottle it magnetically. We’re goners if it sticks:
Two billion parts per million of neutrinos in the mix.”
“And it won’t react predictably with tissue that’s alive.
Let’s test it on the pledges first and see if they survive.”
“So lie down, you freshman pledge, and stretch out on the rug.
And bite down on this funnel and prepare yourself to chug.”
And they’ve bound the pledges hand and foot, each numbered with a pen.
And they’ve passed the bottle once and twice and three times round again.
“But pray, stem the the flowing keg. The bottle set aside.
For I see by the way they’re glowing green, it’s possible they died.”
And they’ve left the pledges passed out cold in the basement where they lay.
But they’ve arisen hail and fit on the rooftops late next day,
But now, please drink responsibly: One micromole, no more!
Then do not drive for a week or two, and at least an hour before.